If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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