Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
