We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
