Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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