Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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