I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
