she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
