I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
