we have pet lesbian snakes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
