i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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