I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
