You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
