i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
