I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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