Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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