I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
