He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
