I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
