after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
