You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
