I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize