just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
