...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
