What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
