then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
