Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
