just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
