3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
