You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
