This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
