i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My bed smells like the plague
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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