my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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