Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize