do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
