I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
