i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
