how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
