Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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