Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
