That's intense
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
