What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
