i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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