The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
