Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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