Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
