help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
