My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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