you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She swung at the pinata with crutches
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
