i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
