"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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