If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
