Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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