maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
