i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
