he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
