this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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