woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
