Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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