you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
