is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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