Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
