turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
