Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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