I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
