So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
