yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
