Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
