I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
