just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
