I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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