new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
