then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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