Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
