dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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