Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
