we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He keeps bees of course he's weird
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
